Opinion #11: Stages of Grief

by Jennifer Has Opinions

I was a social work major and as such became very familiar with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and her famed “stages of grief.” You know them too, even if you don’t realize it- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance…sound familiar?  Well, with all due respect to Ms. Kubler-Ross, I feel like I can define the stages more accurately:

Stage 1: Eat Nothing (See, there’s an upside! You’ll lose weight!)

Stage 2: Eat Everything (No big deal. Remember that just last week you were eating nothing. It’ll even out.)

Stage 3: Spend Money You Shouldn’t, Probably on Home Renovations (Money you shouldn’t, but not money you don’t have, okay? Let’s try not to spiral out of control.)

Stage 4: Scour the Radio, Desperately Searching for Call Me Maybe* (Because that damn song makes you smile. Look for it on the radio, but don’t download it onto your IPod. Have some self-respect.)

Stage 5: Plan a Trip…the More Ill-Advised the Better (Stroll the ancient streets of Damascus! Experience the excitement that is Ciudad Juarez during election season! Snorkel off the gorgeous shores of Somalia!!)

*If there’s a Call Me Maybe emergency and all of the radio stations are letting you down, don’t despair! This will do in a pinch: